Change of plans, for the better.

Well, I planned to leave Seattle in a about a month from today, but had a change of heart. It turns out to have been a really good choice, because it seems like everything has been falling into place since then (quite nicely ;).  

I realized I loved my job and that it may be nearly impossible to even find one in Portland.  And though Seattle is not where I ultimately hope to settle, its really nice for where I'm at. I have a couple good friends and a nice church and now just found a sweet roommate and place. So all in all I think it's pretty clear this is what God knew was best for me :)

Alllssoo, I met the most wonderful guy a few months ago and we couldn't be happier! His name is Matt and he's such a blessing in tons of ways.  It just feels right and peaceful and like he's my best friend. I'm so so happy! The only problem is he lives in Spokane :( But we know we can work out the details in time and feel no need to rush anything so that's nice. We are having so much fun getting to know each other!

That's about all for now, I am actually very tired so it was a poor time to write!

Thanks for reading :)

Portland.

So, I went to Portland last weekend. I intended to visit a few people, 2 of the most important people ended up not being there, which was ridiculously sad. I decided to make the most of it though! I visited with a friend that I actually met at a wedding last summer, and it was so fun to get to know her a bit more and find out she goes to Imago Dei (the church I'm interested in getting involved with). I also had dinner with an old friend from Alaska whom I hadn't seen in probably at least 4 years so that was fun. 

So overall the weekend was good but there were a few bad moments, including the first night. I had nothing to do, so my sister told me I could meet up with a friend of hers. I figured I may as well, since he was going to a house show which I'd never been to so I thought it might be a fun experience. First of all, he was nice but socially awkward and insanely quiet. Fine. But he brings me to a run down nasty house (I'm talking a party house) filled with socially awkward people who refuse to look at me or talk to me. Great.  So for about a half hour I'm trying to find anyone who looks my age and somewhat "normal" and met a few alright folks but they somehow vanished just as quickly as they arrived. There I was alone again in this pit of a place (so far from what I had in mind for this weekend by the way). Then comes the "show" which is basically slayer type music that blasts my ears off, totally my scene. I try to endure it but can only last a few short minutes before I decide to escape the music and find myself back in the living room with 3 teenagers rolling a joint. Fabulous! One says "you look bored," I smirk at him. Then a few minutes later he says "you wanna get in on this" (referring to the pot) I kindly decline and promptly get up and leave. That was the last straw.  I text the guy and tell him I'm ready to go. On the drive home I burst into tears because I had tried so hard to have a good attitude all day about my weekend falling through but this experience just made it all that more real that it was not what I was hoping for. All I wanted was to go to sleep, and so I did... and slept for 9 hours! Phew, what a night.

The next day I was pleasantly surprised by the sun (it was supposed to rain all weekend). I called up my sisters good friend ( a different guy) and we decided to tool around and explore Portland. I wanted to get a feel for the area since I'm moving there. We had so much fun, he is a really fun/funny guy. I felt much better. But we only hung out til the afternoon and  I had nothing to do the rest of the day. I searched for things going on around town but just didn't really find anything good to go alone to. So I got pretty discouraged and lonely. But I had this revelation that this weekend was turning out to be more of a retreat/ learning experience than anything so I spent some sweet time praying and reading devotionals and felt so much better. God really spoke to me in my time alone and I felt peace in the end. 

Then on Sunday I visited Imago Dei, which like I said I've been curious about. It was wonderful! It was so encouraging to end my weekend with the prospect of joining this neat place. My old friend Joe met me there and we had a delicious Portland brunch after which was just amazing :)

All in all I'm glad I went and I feel like I can see clearly how God is working in my life and challenging me to become the woman he created me to be. I'm so so excited for this new season of life on my own in Portland. I know God has great things in store :)

Decisions..

Well its been 3 months since my break up. I'm actually doing quite well. I also have some decisions to make with this new phase of life. I have wanted to move somewhere smaller for awhile now, even though Seattle is beautiful and has a lot to offer. I kept going back to the possibility of Portland and think I have decided to move there in June. I'm so excited! I really think it will be more my speed, smaller and more community oriented, not to mention cheaper! My sis currently lives there and we are considering living together for awhile, which should be fun since we've just recently gotten closer again :) So I picked up another part time job and will take a few classes and prepare to go! I really want to settle down somewhere so I'm hoping Portland is the place... I have a few friends there too which helps.

I also recently met someone. It is a long complicated story but basically it was a bit too soon for me and I freaked out a bit, but I am hopeful something can work out in the end :) Its crazy the things that come up when you are in a relationship. I feel like I'm so in tuned to myself and feelings then all the sudden out of now where I react some strange way! Anyway the thing about this guy is much different than anyone else I've ever dated so its fun and refreshing, and I've decided that if it doesn't go anywhere I want someone like him. It has been helpful to see other qualities and men, and realize that although Eric was sweet and I'm sure we would have been happy, there could be an even better fit out there.

Hmm what else...I've decided to get out and get busy, no sitting around sulking! So I joined a few dinner groups and am trying to serve with Union Gospel Mission. It feels good to get involved and live again.  I've also cut coffee out of my diet (with a few tiny exceptions) but I feel GREAT! I am way less anxious, its weird. I love coffee so much, but had an epiphany the other day that it is just worsening my anxiety. I'm still drinking a cup or two of black tea but I'm much more calm now, its amazing :)

Welp. that's about all for now!

Ta!

In-Between Contentment

First of all, this is my first blog ever! Kind of fun :) 

So, I just turned 29. And can I say I love it?! I feel like I've always connected with people much older than myself and have also been called an old soul, so while I enjoy my youth, I feel like I become more of who I am each year.  I was going to name this blog "the in between" because in some ways that's where I feel I am, but I think it has a negative connotation and implies where I'm at isn't quite there yet, wherever "there" is.  For me, I like being a bachelorette. Its not where I thought I'd be 2 years ago, or to be honest even 2 months ago, but its where I am so I'm learning to embrace it.  What do you DO with so much free time?! I know someday when I have kids running around I will yearn for it, so for now I'm trying to enjoy it and discover what makes me come alive. To name a few: design and art are amazing. I love esthetically pleasing anything! Dance and talking over a good cup of coffee with friends are delightful as well. I also decided recently to pursue getting involved in a homeless ministry of some sort. I really have a heart for all those hurting people who are in a tough situation. All of these things are where I am, and, I think they are nice after all. Maybe I'm not the wife and mother I hoped and thought I'd be by now, but God is showing me how to find contentment and joy in him and how he's created me to be so for that I'm thankful.

Its just crazy when you think your life is headed in one direction then there's a sudden halt and complete fork! My pastor spoke about dissonance a few weeks ago and how it really is a blessing because it shatters our "identity" that we've created and causes us to run to Christ to find our true identity, which obviously is far better and healthy. So that is where I am. My honesty and sensitivity has gotten the best of me in this season because as I grow and learn I share with those I care and it has been humbling and uncomfortable at times but I know its good...

This is all for now, hope you enjoyed :)