Decisions..

Well its been 3 months since my break up. I'm actually doing quite well. I also have some decisions to make with this new phase of life. I have wanted to move somewhere smaller for awhile now, even though Seattle is beautiful and has a lot to offer. I kept going back to the possibility of Portland and think I have decided to move there in June. I'm so excited! I really think it will be more my speed, smaller and more community oriented, not to mention cheaper! My sis currently lives there and we are considering living together for awhile, which should be fun since we've just recently gotten closer again :) So I picked up another part time job and will take a few classes and prepare to go! I really want to settle down somewhere so I'm hoping Portland is the place... I have a few friends there too which helps.

I also recently met someone. It is a long complicated story but basically it was a bit too soon for me and I freaked out a bit, but I am hopeful something can work out in the end :) Its crazy the things that come up when you are in a relationship. I feel like I'm so in tuned to myself and feelings then all the sudden out of now where I react some strange way! Anyway the thing about this guy is much different than anyone else I've ever dated so its fun and refreshing, and I've decided that if it doesn't go anywhere I want someone like him. It has been helpful to see other qualities and men, and realize that although Eric was sweet and I'm sure we would have been happy, there could be an even better fit out there.

Hmm what else...I've decided to get out and get busy, no sitting around sulking! So I joined a few dinner groups and am trying to serve with Union Gospel Mission. It feels good to get involved and live again.  I've also cut coffee out of my diet (with a few tiny exceptions) but I feel GREAT! I am way less anxious, its weird. I love coffee so much, but had an epiphany the other day that it is just worsening my anxiety. I'm still drinking a cup or two of black tea but I'm much more calm now, its amazing :)

Welp. that's about all for now!

Ta!

In-Between Contentment

First of all, this is my first blog ever! Kind of fun :) 

So, I just turned 29. And can I say I love it?! I feel like I've always connected with people much older than myself and have also been called an old soul, so while I enjoy my youth, I feel like I become more of who I am each year.  I was going to name this blog "the in between" because in some ways that's where I feel I am, but I think it has a negative connotation and implies where I'm at isn't quite there yet, wherever "there" is.  For me, I like being a bachelorette. Its not where I thought I'd be 2 years ago, or to be honest even 2 months ago, but its where I am so I'm learning to embrace it.  What do you DO with so much free time?! I know someday when I have kids running around I will yearn for it, so for now I'm trying to enjoy it and discover what makes me come alive. To name a few: design and art are amazing. I love esthetically pleasing anything! Dance and talking over a good cup of coffee with friends are delightful as well. I also decided recently to pursue getting involved in a homeless ministry of some sort. I really have a heart for all those hurting people who are in a tough situation. All of these things are where I am, and, I think they are nice after all. Maybe I'm not the wife and mother I hoped and thought I'd be by now, but God is showing me how to find contentment and joy in him and how he's created me to be so for that I'm thankful.

Its just crazy when you think your life is headed in one direction then there's a sudden halt and complete fork! My pastor spoke about dissonance a few weeks ago and how it really is a blessing because it shatters our "identity" that we've created and causes us to run to Christ to find our true identity, which obviously is far better and healthy. So that is where I am. My honesty and sensitivity has gotten the best of me in this season because as I grow and learn I share with those I care and it has been humbling and uncomfortable at times but I know its good...

This is all for now, hope you enjoyed :)