Life Without

Well, the good news is I'm feeling happier and more optimistic :) But I had this realization yesterday while shopping at Target that I had gotten used to life without many things, including extra money.  I used to frequent Target and buy stuff I probably really didn't need, but when my financial aid got cancelled a few months ago I suddenly was barely making ends meet and definitely couldn't afford "luxuries" I'd grown accustomed to.  But I finally got financial aid again yesterday, so where didi I go? Yep, Target. But what I found interesting was I kept looking at things I didn't really need, and though I can afford them now was not giving in and picking them up! Hah! How funny. I realized I don't really need all that crap, and in a way it was liberating.  These past few months I have also been "living without" a much bigger thing, my best friend and lover. This one I have not come to the conclusion was "unnecessary" but I have no choice but to be patient and wait for him to come back :( The good news is though it never really gets much easier without him, I'm learning to trust God in a new way and that feels really good. Sometimes I'll find myself anxious about it, but then God will remind me he loves me and has it all under control and it really does help me. I don't know what I'd do without hope in Christ!!!

I had a "Girl's Night" last night which was just so wonderful :) I have really been trying to deepen my friendships with my girlfriends so it felt so nice to just spend some quality time with a few of them last night.

Today I'm trying to trust God and find peace where I'm at, even though its not really where I want to be.  I had coffee with a girlfriend yesterday and she mentioned that maybe God was working on me and my relationship now so that marriage (if it happens with him, lord willing) will be a little easier and that really comforted me.  I know its going to be hard no matter what but in a way it is cool to work out some hard things beforehand and sort of prepare yourself...

Anyway I'm off to enjoy my Saturday!

Happy weekend everyone :)

Valleys

I hate to be a downer but its really truly unbelievable how many trials I've had in the past 3 months. First the break up that turned my world upside down, then my financial aid got cancelled and I only work part time so I've barely been surviving while trying to get through school, then my car broke down :( A friend mentioned they'd too been in a "Valley" and I hadn't thought of it like that until she said that, but that's exactly what I'm in. I know the Lord is drawing my closer to himself in all of it, and has been strengthening me, but its really hard to be in this place and I desperately want it to end   :( I want to learn and grow in deep ways in this time, and I suppose the one good thing is I feel I have been growing a ton and rediscovering who I am... But its hard to look at yourself, I mean take an honest look at who you are (the good AND bad) and where you're at.  Its uncomfortable, but I believe its the only way to truly change.  The thing is I normally have my best friend by my side during life's trials, which seems to make them more bearable, but now I do not. Gosh sorry to be so mellowdramatic!  But the sort of beauty in it all is I'm realizing God is the only one I should come to anyway so its ok if I feel alone in the world, He really is always there for me and all I need.

I recently helped prepare dinner at a shelter and it brought me SO much joy, so that's my plan is to give to others and to learn how to truly love.  I also want to tap into my creative side, because I feel so alive when I make things that are beautiful.

The good news is I know that God loves me and has a beautiful plan for my life, and I really want to learn to trust Him in this time that he will work everything out in the end.  Also I just found out I will get financial aid again this week which is a huge blessing! And I've been almost entirely cutting sugar and carbs from my diet and feel so much better its crazy! I actually feel less hungry, its strange!

Thanks for reading! I hope I was able to encourage you and didn't bring you down!!

~Sabrina